I had a sense of God from an early age. I was given a Bible for my 12th birthday. It was a beautiful leather covered Bible with the words that Jesus spoke highlighted in red ink. Inside the cover I wrote these words: I dedicate my life to the work of God. In my early 20’s I discovered the writings of C.S. Lewis and I was mesmerized. If Lewis was an Anglican, then that’s the Church I had to belong to. At that time I was a chaplain’s assistant in the Army to the Pentagon, in Washington D.C and I found an Anglo Catholic Episcopal Church and was confirmed. After a lengthy period of scrutiny I was sponsored by the Diocese to attend Nashotah House (the only Anglo Catholic seminary in the Episcopal Church). Upon graduation from seminary, I was blessed to become a priest in the parish that sponsored me. I served in the Episcopal Church for 15 years. Toward the end of that time I became increasingly disturbed by the increasing capitulation of the Church to secular influences and I began a conversation with a Bishop of the Orthodox Church. I was called to be the Rector of an Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, N.M. I also was appointed to be the Director of the Saint Athanasius Diocesan School of Theology and developed and taught a two year course for clergy and laity leading to a certificate of Spiritual Direction. My conversations with the Orthodox Bishop deepened and subsequently I, along, with about 50 devout parishioners formed a mission in the Antiochian Orthodox Church. After 3 years, I experienced an unfortunate, unwanted divorce. And so began, the darkest period of my life. I headed to the mountains and deserts to seek healing and direction.
For some time I wandered far away from God due to my feeling so unworthy and then I reached a point where I knew that I had to begin to lead a life of repentance. It was only later on that I realized that even though I had traveled away from God, He had not abandoned me. I accomplished some worthy things during this time of deep repentance. I undertook studies in wilderness therapy and worked in wilderness therapy with youth-at-risk and young adults with addictions out in the wild land of the Southwest. I spent two years in hospital chaplaincy residency at a major hospital and subsequently worked as a hospice chaplain. I was an adjunct professor at a college teaching courses in ethics, philosophy, and religious studies. I began my own program of offering transformational experiences in the wilderness and became a rites-of-passages wilderness guide, focusing on wilderness quests where the participants go out into the wilderness to fast and pray for 4 days and nights. And then…
I was leading a quest and as I was sitting at basecamp keeping watch over the safety of the participants and I heard a voice, not coming from without but from within almost as a whisper. The voice said: “It is time for you to come home”. I knew immediately Who was speaking and what “home” meant. Without the least resistance or questioning at all, my whole being assented. I finished up the quest and moved to a tiny house in the mountains of Southern Colorado and became a hermit for 7 months. I read Scripture. I prayed. I cried. I repented. And I came home to the Orthodox Church. After those 7 months, I visited the Orthodox monastery of Our Lady and St. Laurence, within the Antiochian Archdiocese, made my heartfelt confession and left the monastery visit, with tears running down my face and with a heart glowing with gratitude to such a merciful God, who refused to abandon me during my wayward journey.
I currently live in a remote setting near Canon City, Colorado. I only live 18 miles from the Orthodox Monastery of Our Lady and St. Laurence. I have remained single since my divorce and I live the life of a lay monastic and semi hermit, spending my days praying the hours of the Church, reading Holy Scripture and the Fathers of the Church. I hike every day with my Akita, Trekker and we also take regular backpacking trips deeper into the Wild. I am also a Benedictine oblate under the auspices of the Monastery of Our Lady and St. Laurence.
I have received a blessing from my spiritual father to begin this website offering a weekly blog and retreats. My prayer is that despite being the unworthy sinner that I am that I may have the opportunity to give blessed hope and encouragement to all who seek to walk the ascetical path toward a deeper union with God.
